Analogy girl returns.
Hard to find words in bleakness. My purpose has evaporated. My horseshoe turned upside down, all my hope and youth and energy emptied out.
What can you do with very high expectations, apart from learn to accept the disappointment in yourself?
My life has changed forever.
Landscape before now was all possibility, all adventure and aspiration. Outlook now is all downhill, best bits over, burdened with the realisation of my own limits and shortcomings, that my potential is so much less than I had thought.
Griminess and ruthlessness of adulthood, all chores and anxiety. The fun has gone. Left with rotting body and cynical mind. Saddled with cruel death ritual. All fragile, all chance, haphazard, beyond my control as it all is.